From disaster to delicious- part 2

By Aswathy Kumar

I can't bake!

And I don't' mean fancy three tiered cakes or exotic French desserts like Religieuse, tarte tatin or other nonsense I can barely pronounce. When I say I cannot bake, I mean being completely handicapped when it comes to even cooking an egg in a muffin tray or bake a 2 minute microwave cookie. 

You must be thinking...so what's the big deal? After all there are a plenty of women in this world who cannot bake or even cook for that matter. So why bother? And trust me, that's exactly what I thought.

I don't mean to brag here but I am simply awesome with my kormas and masaledaar curries and consider myself to be quite a genius in the kitchen, so why even bother with baking let alone try and attempt to master it. After all there is a little part of me that believe that the ideal Indian housewife was never even meant to bake. We never grew up with ovens or dishwashers (Imagine hand scrubbing all those crazy blenders and baking dishes). In the Indian kitchen, the cook is usually the dishwasher as well. Forget the kitchen layout, even our basic style of cooking that involves sautéing onions, mixing puréed tomatoes and frying the spices just do not equip us with the patience required in baking. I mean, the average Indian cook cannot leave their food alone. We have to poke it, prick it, spice it, taste it, sauté it and what not.  We are not used to popping things in the oven and waiting patiently for some kind of magic to enfold. Once we enter the kitchen and pick up that wooden spoon, we are not leaving without our bowl of Murgh makhani or Dal tadka.

And for a while my life was perfectly fine, void of muffin trays, ovens with intimidating dials and scary looking blending gadgets. Why should I bake? There were plenty of bakeries scattered all over the city displaying an array of sumptous delicacies. And probably I would have to spend way less to actually buy a ready made cake than bake one. But that being said probably a handful of you can truly understand the pressures of a stay-at-home-mom that cannot bake. Just imagine the trauma of seeing your pakoras and aalo tikkis lying completely dejected for some plain looking cupcakes at play dates. Imagine the feeling when you offer to pick up a cake at the nearby bakery to bring to a PTA event while another stepford wife keenly undermine you by offering to bake a fancy two-tier one for the entire class. Imagine attending birthday parties where you are confronted with an entire table of tarts, pies, cupcakes, croissants all hand-baked by Ms Super-mom not to forget all those perfect pictures splattered all over social media... #bakingwithmunchkin #joyofbaking #loveofbaking and what not. Apparently even 5 year olds can bake nowadays. 'Oh my baby just baked me a chocolate chip muffin,' #bliss #motherhood #love #wtf????

 

So I decided to roll up sleeves and face my ultimate baking nightmare. If a five year old can do it, so can I? I mean how hard can it be....right?

The recipe said

1 3/4 cup of flour

1 cup sugar

3/4 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

Mix the dry ingredients well so that no lumps are formed...

Done...

Now mix 1 egg, 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 cup oil and vanilla essence. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients. Also add 1/2 cup boiling water and bake at 150 c for 30 minutes. Top with jam and serve.

Done...

Well not quite, I guess...

Coz what I did end up with, was this...

   

   ( I swear the recipe said sponge cake) 

A crumbly weird gooey corn-bread meet sponge cake meet stale bread look alike that no child was ever going to touch...

Okay...there, I will admit it. I am no queen bee of baking but then again...there is something that I am really good at. And that's damage control. I had used up all those ingredients and there was no way I was going to throw it all away. Come on, I am a true desi and we don't throw away things. So I did what every good Indian cook is best at...

I pricked it, poked it crushed it. Rolled it up just like little chapati balls. Placed them in skewers like I would do with my lamb kebabs. Dipped them in a melted chocolate, whipping cream mix, topped with sprinkles and voila! I had the ultimate cake poppers, perfect for any playdate. What can I say #nailedit!

       (The end result)

Desi, with an Italian twist

By Aswathy Kumar

'Excuses, excuses and more excuses,' my husband sat grimly, staring at his computer screen. He didn't have to say much, I knew exactly what he was looking at and what had ticked off such a reaction. It was the last updated sign on my food blog. I embarrassingly shifted in my seat to take a peek. It read January 10, 2014. Okay, I agree, I was guilty as charged. It had been almost a year since I penned down anything on my blog and it wasn't doing as great as I had intended it to be. 

But honestly, I had some real valid reasons. A year ago, I moved from Washington DC to Yangon and my life had take a complete 360. Running non-stop errands for groceries, cooking, cleaning and scrubbing toilets had given way to a wonderful world of chauffeur driven cars, nannies to fuss over my little one and live-in cooks. Though initially I had planned to continue my role of 'super-mom' and 'Miss can-do-it-all' in Yangon as well, very soon I found out that houses in the developing world were not really built for a one-woman show. It felt depressing cooking in a closed-off kitchen and it was no fun hosting dinners for guests who didn't even budge from our cozy living room to check on poor-me slogging away in the heat. 

That's when I found my Jassi, our Burmese/Indian dynamo cook. From the traditional Myanmar cuisine, to Thai, Chinese, Indian or Arabic, Jassi was definitely a dream-find. From my bedroom, one storey above, I could smell the concoction of creamy puréed tomatoes, butter and garam masala wafting from the kitchen. Jassi was making my famous Makhani Chicken. I had given her the recipe once and she had already mastered it to such an extend that I barely could make out the difference between mine and hers. I slowly made way to the kitchen and I couldn't help but wonder, if there was any part of it that was familiar. It was time, I thought, time to add my little magic touch.

Murg Makhani Lasagne

Jassi had already made the creamy makhani gravy and was about to add the chicken chunks when I walked in. Though I did want to regain some of my lost power, I was in no mood to start from scratch. That's when I thought, why not, shred up the chicken instead of the chunks and add it to the gravy and use it is as the filling for a completely unique dish of Murg makhani lasagne, a desi dish with an Italian twist. 

Recipe

Chicken- breast shredded

5-6 tomatoes, blended

Onions-2

Ginger-garlic paste-1 tbsp

Red chilli powder-1/4 tsp

Coriander powder- 1/2 tsp

Garam masala-1/4 tsp

Sugar-a pinch

Dried Fenugreek leaves- 1 tsp

Milk-1 cup

Fresh cream-2 tbsp

Cilantro to Garnish

Salt to taste

Lasagne sheets- depending on your baking tray

Grated cheddar cheese

In a wok, add butter and stir fry the onions till brown and blend in a mixer 

Now in the same wok and with remaining butter, add puréed tomatoes, ginger garlic paste and cook through

Now add the onion paste, red chilli powder, coriander powder and salt and fry well.

Add the shredded chicken, 1/4 cup water, cover with a lid let it cook 

Once ready open the cover and let the water evaporate. Now add the milk, cream, a pinch of sugar, salt to taste and garam masala

Add the dried fenugreek leaves and cilantro to garnish

Start layering the curry and the lasagne sheets. I like to partly boil the sheets before using and also not use too much of it. Just a few sheets at the bottom and few at the top (but then again, that's the way we like it)

Top with shredded cheese

And bake 

A not-so-happy fact!

Apparently this guy, won $250,000 for the very same idea, just a year ago. Damn it! Wish I had blogged about it a little earlier. 

Some last minute magic...

It was time for the Kumars to move again. This was our third big move following Nairobi and Washington DC. And this time it was the exotic, untouched and mysterious streets of Yangon that awaited our grand arrival.

For many, a shift would mean tearful adieus, last minute chaos and uncontrollable increase in stress levels. In short an overall unpleasant experience. But not for me! For someone whose dream job would be to work as a professional organizer at The Container Store, I get a strange sense of bliss in getting rid of all the clutter, organizing all the essentials in neatly labelled boxes, preparing checklists and pasting little post-it's all over the house for the packers and movers. 

But I will agree; there is one aspect of shifting that I absolutely despise. And that is packing up my fully functional kitchen. Not only is there the monstrous task of disposing all perishables and distributing/donating all the unopened food packets but there is the last few days of cooking that you just got to do before you head out to the hotel and delve into the magical world of ordering in and take outs. 

I have always loved to cook and taken special pride in my culinary skills. But then what can one do when all that is left of your kitchen is a riggity wok, a wooden spoon, a strainer, a packet of Chinese egg noodles, sundried tomatoes, garlic, shallots, pepper, salt and a half finished bottle of white wine. I guess...cook up the perfect Italian Chinese combo, like I did.

Hakka Hakka hey hey!

Ingredients

1. 2 tbsp of sundried tomatoes 

2. garlic-4 pods minced

3. shallots-finely chopped

4. 1 packet of egg noodles

5. 1 tbsp of white wine

Boil the egg noodles till cooked, strain and refresh under cold water

Sauté shallots and garlic till transparent

Blend the sundried tomatoes to form a coarse paste and add to the garlic and shallots

Add salt, pepper and sauté further, add the white wine

Now add the egg noodles and mix well

Street eats!

Who says you can't mix #Italian and #Chinese. I sure did with sundried tomato paste, white wine and regular Hakka noodles...

Stay tuned for the recipe ...

The Aftermath!

7 dishes and 2 payasams later, I realised that my mini Onam sadya was a great sucess. And the neatly wiped-clean empty plaintain leaves that lay in front of me, stood proof of it.

Our DC friends, specially seemed amused and rather pleased by the sheer variety and concoction of flavors that came from the number of colourful coconut savories that stretched out from one end of the dining table to the other. For them, it was a feast like no other. For me, it was several hours of grating, chopping, blending, mixing and what not!

Though quite minamilistic by kerala standards and may not even earn the title of a 'sadya' for lacking some crucial elements, for a mommy like me, with a five year old, living in a place with zero help, even attempting to do an Onam feast, authentic or not, was a big deal. Because here you neither have aayas to chop the veggies, drivers to take you on your shopping sprees or errand boys to load up your car with groceries. This is the US and here, it's a one man show or in my case a one woman show. 

So the first step of the planning process began with deciding the guest list, which was directly proportional to the number of leaves I could manage to gather the very last minute. You see, unlike in mallu land where you could just go behind your house and take as many leaves as you needed from the innumerable banana plants that grew callously all over your backyard, here I had to manage with a single plaintain that my friend had specially positioned in her front porch to add the traditional aesthetics to her American home. 

Then came the menu, which had one major deciding factor. How to make it as grand as possible with the least amount of work and with the least number of ingredients. And to get that, a trip to the Indian store on the other end of the city, was inevitable. And that's when came the last minute panic...when I realized that I could not even get half the ingredients I was looking for. There was no string beans, no oblong cucumber, no sharkara chips, no baby bananas and no kerala mango pickle. But even without half the stuff, I knew with my special skills at damage control, I would definitely be able to pull off a sadya. As i walked out the store, substituting kerala mango pickle with Andhra achaar, i felt relieved that I had kept the guest list to just my North Indian friends who had never eaten a sadya before. With them, I could have easily passed off coconut chutney as an authentic part of sadya and they would have never known. Phew!

Anyway it had been five days since the sadya, the feasting and the festivities. And like after any big dinner/lunch parties, my referigerator remained packed with reminisence of the grand celebration, the neatly aligned containers of leftovers. Though in most cases, it maybe be a good thing, but when it came to leftovers from a sadya, it was quite the opposite. Because unlike a chicken or a biryani dish, that gets better with time and that I would have happily hogged on for the next couple of days, the different coconut flavored recipes that contributed to a sadya, in itself were quite blah. Without the whole parephernelia, it was quite boring, even a little depressing. So on the fifth day when my husband anxiously asked me what we were having for dinner, I just did not have it in my heart to tell him that we were going to have yet another round of thoran, sambar and Avial. It would have been cruel especially since he had been graciously eating it without any complaints for the past four days. I couldn't do it to him anymore. 'I will surprise you love,' I said.

But to be honest, I was clueless. The five days of not entering the kitchen had turned me into a slob. My legs felt heavy as I slowly made way into the kitchen and a strange lethargy overcame me. Even the fact that I had a blog to write, didnt seem to inspire. As I opened the refrigerator, to scan through what i was left with, I realized that I had used up most of it to prepare the feast. So I had no veggies, no enthusiasm and worst of all, no time. It was almost 8 and I knew it was only a matter of minutes before my daughter came barging into the kitchen, complaining she was hungry. The clock was ticking and I had to do something quick.

What I had

1 onion

1 tomato

2-3 green chillies

1 bell pepper

1 tbsp ginger garlic paste 

Cilantro for garnishing

 

I heated oil in pan and spluttered some cumin and fennel seeds. Once the oil was hot, I added some pepper powder.

I, then added half of the onion that I chopped into big cubes, along with the ginger garlic paste, salt and sliced green chillies. The remaining half, I sliced it into thin strips and kept it aside.

Once the onion was nicely browned, I added 1/2 tsp red chilli powder, 1 tsp coriander powder, 1/2 tsp cumin powder and roasted the masalas for a few minutes.

Then, I added the chopped tomatoes and bell pepper. ( Cut into big pieces)

I mixed them well with the masala and let it cook on a low flame.

Once the bell pepper and tomatoes were cooked, (not over cooked), I added the paneer cubes and the remaining sliced onions.

I let it cook on slow flame till the paneer was nicely browned on all sides. 

I finished by garnishing with some freshly chopped cilantro.

Now I could have easily served this to my husband with fresh rotis or naan. But I felt guilty for feeding him with all the leftovers and I did say I would surprise him. I knew I had to make it more special than just paneer and naan.

So I first roasted some tortillas on a hot pan. Once I removed them, in the same pan, I smeared some oil and added a beaten egg, just like I would, to cook an omlette. But without flipping, I placed the tortilla for it to stick to egg. I removed it from the pan, spread a tsp of Maggi hot n sweet ketchup, along with some mint chutney and then added the paneer stuffing and some freshly sliced onions before rolling it up. And voila! I had my very own quick and easy paneer khati roll in less than ten minutes. 

 

Just brunchin!

The classic egg muffin. But I had to add my desi touch with some chopped onions, green chillies and cilantro.

GARDEN LITES TO DESI DELIGHTS

My mom and dad were finally coming and I was super excited! A lot had changed since the last time they saw me, which was almost two years ago. I had moved to the United States of America and I had gone from being a page three socialite with a cook, a cleaner and a baby sitter at my disposal to being the typical all-American mom. My typical day had gone from sipping coffee by the swimming pool to dropping my daughter to school, cleaning the house, cooking, trips to the grocery store, running behind public buses, multiple trips to the metro station and organizing innumerable play dates. Though things were a lot more hectic, I couldn't wait for my parents to see my new life. They would be so proud!

More than anything, I couldn't wait to show off America. So what if we didn't have a nanny or a cleaning lady? So what if my shoulders hurt from tugging along heavy shopping bags from Whole Foods? I still loved it here. I loved the independence. I loved that this country proved to me that I was indeed a super mom and could really do it all. I loved how everybody said 'thank you' and 'have a nice day' almost as if they meant it. I loved my shopping sprees. I loved how everything was so organized, each having its specific place. Even little things like the fact that I didn't have to boil milk anymore or scrub pesticides off of veggies gave me a strange sense of joy. 

I couldn't wait for my mom and dad to join me on one of my trips to the grocery store and show them how everything was cleaned, chopped and packed the way you wanted it. I couldn't wait to take them to the container store and show them how you could transform your sloppy cupboards into your dream walk in closets with a few shelves, frames, screws and bolts. I couldn't wait for them to have a taste of this fabulous country.

I still remember that morning after they arrived. I couldn't wait to cook for them the all American breakfast and make them fall in love with this magical place almost instantly. But the only issue was that my parents were pure vegetarians which meant no eggs, no sausages and no bacon. I could do pancakes, waffles and some warm cinnamon buns but my dad was diabetic and a sweet breakfast was not an option. But I still wanted to make it special and that's when we saw the 'Garden Lites' zucchini soufflé at the frozen section. 'Perfect!' I thought. It was vegetarian, it was American and fancy enough to make a great first impression.

                                                                       

   

The soufflé looked perfect. It was all organic, under 140 calories, and looked like a perfect blend between a quiche and a egg muffin. I anxiously waited for my dad to take the first bite but as soon as he dug into the crispy exterior and deeper into the white gooey filling inside, I immediately knew I had gone completely wrong in my choice. And the fake moans that followed only further reassured my fears. It was a complete disaster! You see, we are not just Indians, we are South Indians and we take special pride in having our own unique 30-something varieties of just breakfast dishes. So for us, a moist, mushy tasteless dish that resembles something that comes out of a newborn's mouth was not our idea of breakfast.

A few slices of toasted bread, a glass of orange juice and a bowl of honey nut Cheerios later, I realized that the all organic, all natural, under 140 calorie zucchini soufflé was a complete disaster. But despite the blandness, the mushiness and tastelessness, I still couldn't find it in my heart to chuck it in the dustbin especially since we had spent $25 and it felt like such a terrible waste. But I knew there was no way I could convince anyone to eat it. It was torture food and forcing anyone to even taste it was a crime. I had to think of a plan and I had to think of it fast...

3 To Tango!

So the ingredients on the box said, sweet corn, grilled zucchini, egg white, carrot, red and green pepper....and Voila I had it! Three perfect recipes to fix the $25 disaster. I could fry 'em, coz according to me everything tasted yum, crispy fried. I could curry 'em, coz a little bit of tadka could transform any mess into delicacies or I could soy 'em up, coz I just picked up a bottle and was desperate to use it.

                      

FRY 'EM UP

Cook the zucchini soufflé as mentioned in the pack

Once ready mash it up and add cumin powder, red chilli powder,coriander powder, bread crumbs, freshly chopped coriander leaves

Make tiny balls out of the mix and deep fry. 

CURRY 'EM UP

In a wok, add oil and splutter cumin seeds

Add chopped onions (1), ginger garlic paste. -1 tbsp, green chillies and fry till brown

Purée three tomatoes and add to the onion mixture

Once cooked and dry, add 1/2 tsp red chilli powder, 1 tsp coriander powder, 1/2 tsp cumin powder and salt

Cook the spices for atleast 5 mts. Make sure they don't stick to the pan.

Add dried fenugreek leaves, and a little bit of sugar.

Pour 1 cup milk

Once the fried vegetable balls have completely cooled down, add to the curry. Simmer for 5 mts

Garnish with fresh coriander leaves

SOY 'EM UP

In a pan, heat oil, add pepper and green chillies.

Saute chopped onions, green (spring onions) chopped ginger, garlic and green chillies. Add salt

Once transparent add 1tbsp soy sauce, 1 tbsp schezwan sauce, 1/2 tbsp tomato ketchup

Add 1/2 tsp sugar. 

Add the veggie balls once completely cooled down.

Garnish with spring onions before serving